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Welcome to Wendel Huffine"s online Jokes

1.
A policeman in a police training school was asked how he would logically identify a thief. He boldly replied-" I'll ask him if he's a thief. If he says yes, I'll arrest him. If he says no, I'll let him go, cos I so much depend on his words for my investigation.

2.
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail. Meanwhile... somewhere else, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I've Arrived

Date: 31 May 2004

Darling, I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then

3.
Johnny wanted to screw a girl in his class,but she belonged to someone else.One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said I'll give you   1000 dollars if you let me screw you,but the girl said NO.Johnny said I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down,I'll be finished by the time you pick it up.She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend.....so she called her boyfriend and told him the story.Her boyfriend says ask him for 2000 dollars, pick up the money very fast,he won't even be able to get his pants down. So she agrees and accepts the proposal.30 mins goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 mins the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.She says "THE BASTARD USED COINS!!!!!

4.
a man, a woman and a boy are in bed. sudenly the boy pops out with a question "daddy wats dat long thing in your boxers" the dad replied its my limo son. then he asks his mum, "mummy wats dat hairy thing in your knickers" she said its my garage with lots of bushes around it. A few minutes later dad says move over son i wanna park my limo in your mums garage, the boy replies "its to late daddy have already parked my mini.

5.
In a Biology paper the students were asked to Draw and label a female reproductive organ.

Laura, (a party girl) found the question difficult and open her skirt   and started to draw, looking at her reproductive organ.

Another female student jealous that Laura may score higher marks than her, she raised up her hand and said to the invigilator.

6.
A woman oneday was bathing her son and the boy asked her "mummy this thing in my waist what is it called"(dick) the mother said it is called a sport car.After a long silence the boy asked mummy what of ur own(pussy) the woman said it is called a mechanic workshop.After two minutes as the mum had almost finished bathing him the boy said mummy can i pack my sport car in your mechanic workshop.

7.
A son asks his father, "What can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow." The father thinks a little and says, "OK, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy. Let's say that I'm a capitalist because I'm the breadwinner. Your mother will be the government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?" The little boy said, "Well, Dad, I don't know, but I'll think about what you said."

Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, the little boy was awaken by his baby brother's crying. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper. So, he went down the hall to his parent's bedroom and found his father's side of the bed empty and his mother wouldn't wake up. Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, he saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid. The son then turned and went back to bed.

The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, "Dad, I think I understand politics much better now." "Excellent, my boy," he answered, "What have you learned?" The little boy thought for a minute and said, "I learned that capitalism is screwing the working class, government is sound asleep ignoring the people, and the future's full of crap."

8.
Daddy, how was I born?" Dad answered: "Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said You've Got Male!

9.
A pretty girl went to church to make a confession to a pastor .the man asked her what the matter is .she then said my boyfriend did something bad to me that i did not like.the pastor now kissed her and said ,Did he do this to you?she said no.He hugged her and said ,Did he do this to you.?she said no,he now make love to her and said,Did he do this to you?she said no.the pastor now asked her.what is the thing he did to you that you did not like.she said .He gave me AIDS and the pastor collapse.

10.
There was a boy named little jhonney one day he came home from school and said mom wat does "shit" mean his mom thinks really fast and says seewt heart it means food on the table.   The next day jhonney comes home from school and says mom wat does "son of a bitch" mean his mom thought quikley again and said priest.   The next day he says my wat does "fuckkin" mean   his mom says get dressed.   So that night a priest came over for dinner jhonney answered the door and said hey son of a bitch shits on the table and my parents are up stairs fuckkin.

11.
At d funeral of a famous prostitute, a man in d crowd says "at last the   two are finally together", someone asked "who?" d man replied "her legs

12.
A young man went to the cinema hall with his pet duck.knowing that animals are not allowed in,he decided to keep it in his pant and left his zipper half open,with the duck's head sticking out for fresh air.
A young lady also went there with her little girl who had a bowl of pop corn with her, they sat next to the man with the duck.Few minutes later,in the dimly lit cinema hall,the little girl called her mum and said...
''mum,the man sitting next to me has his pennis outside!''

the mum,embarrassed quickly told her to shut up and face the screen.but after a few minutes,the girl repeated the same thing and the mum got so angry and scolded the little girl for not minding her business.

mum-''one more word about pennis and you are in trouble...''

girl-''but his pennis is eating up my pop corn!''

 

 

 

copy from Wendel Huffine"s online Jokes